Matchmaking Grandmama

>> Thursday, June 16, 2005

So I visited my lovely grandparents last weekend. They're awesome. However it's always a bit of a pain lately to be having conversations with them. After the proformatory congratulations on my splendid career and discussing my new client acquisitions in South America and such, the conversation always makes it turn to the BOYFRIEND situation. OHHH GOOOSH-- here comes a MAJOR EYE ROLL.

When discussing my "love life", my grandma actually uses this term: "situation". Apparently its a "situation" that needs to be resolved immediately. I tried telling them my stories about the foreign boys I find everywhere, and the younger men that are still in college and still think that they will change the world... but apparently these stories do not amuse them (not even half as much as they DEFINITELY amuse me). So my Grandmother calles me into the kitchen for a "private conference" and basically proposes to intercede for me with this "lady" who will send some eligible batchelors my way. Hmmm... ok, whatever Grandma, anything to make you happy.

A day later I receive a call from my Grandma:
"Ale, are you alone?" - she says in a secretive voice
"Yes Grandma, what's up" - I whisper back
"My lady found a perfect guy for you!"
"Oh really..." - exaggerated, fake, joyful surprise
"Well, how old is he?" - That's my first question always... if he is more than 3 years older than me, I don't want non of it...
"Hmm, well... ammm, I think he is around your age..." - Grandma is obviously sensing what's about to come...
"HOW OLD Grandma" - I insist
"Well... like 35 ish or something"
"Grams, 35 is NOT my AGE!! (I'm 27, and if anything my age range is 24-30) And he is not a GUY he is an old MAN"

But, whatever, I come down, lets just carry on for amusement sake:

"Ok, so where does he work?"
"Manhattan sweetie!" - Grandma says in a proud tone, happy that she finally knew the answer
"NO Grandma... where does he work? as in: "What line of work is he in?? as in: "How goal oriented is he? (and let's not kid ourselves- as in: "How much money does he make????"
Common' now Grandma!!"

My grandma looks a bit confused as if to say... "what are you talking about child... who cares you just need to hook up with a guy immediately, it doesn't matter what he does"

Oh, and another very important question:
"So...this guy, is he HOT?"
"Well, honey, what to you mean "hot"? looks are so personal to preference, everyone likes different things..." Grandma assumes here role as the wise elder.

"WRONG again Grams! MY guy has to be considered HOT by EVERYONE! By WOMEN, MEN... OLD LADIES and BABIES!!!!!"

"OK, FINE I GOT IT!!! You think I'm ancient or something??"
You want an extremely sexy, foreign, college age guy, whose father owns the country they live in?"



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