Broken telephone

>> Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Everyone is finally beginning to question what the HECK took so long to respond to the disaster in New Orleans!!!??!!

Well, I of course have my version of the story... Please see below a transcript of a phone call between President Bush and the People of Louisiana. While this call didn't actually happen, it might as well have judging by the results.

Ring, RING!

Mr. Bush: Hello, this is the President of the United States of America speaking, how may I help you! (yeaaah, I always get a kick out of sayin' my full title)

People of Louisiana: Hello.. Hello! Mr. President!? We're calling you for help. HELP! We're totally getting submerged by the water, people are dying, there is no water or electricity...!!! We need your help!

Mr. Bush: I see, now, where are you calling from you said??

People: New Orleans sir, you know, where the hurricane wiped out everything!!

Mr. Bush: Right... now, let me understand this here... I thought we already sent help to the tsunami victims??? you guys are still getting flooded??

People: No, no Sir. We're from New Orleans. LOUISIANA sir.

Mr. Bush: Luisi- what?

People: LU-ISI-ANA- you know, a sate, we're part of the United States of America sir, we're sorta west (right) from Florida!

Mr. Bush: OH YEAH!!! now I know what you're talking about... you guys have the Mardi Grass!!! I saw it on the episode of "Girls Gone Wild!" That's where all the girls were taking of their shirts for carnival beads!!! Boy, that was a good show...

People: Right sir, so back to us being flooded... we need HELP right away sir!!!

Mr. Bush: Hey, I'm having trouble hearing you... what's all that noise???

People: Well as we were saying sir, its the rushing waters, people screaming and some gun shots, cus a few bad seeds got a hold of guns and started shooting!!!

Mr. Bush: Oh, that's good, I always said citizens should have the right to bear arms!

People: No, Mr. President, they're bad guys, who are killing people.

Mr. Bush: oh, that's not good. So you say you need help. Ok, are you in the top 1% richest Americans??

People: OH NO sir. We're actually in the bottom 30% of the poorest Americans... and we need help...

Mr. Bush: Hmmm.... hold on, I'm trying to pull you guys up on my database... sorry, my computer is slow today it'll be just a moment.
......

Mr. Bush: Oh, hmmmm... I guess you're not in my system at all... I don't' know if I can help...

People: But you have to!!! People are dying!! We know, you're super busy with the whole Iraq crisis but could you at least get us some National Guards???

Mr. Bush: Well fine- but where are YOUR assigned guards???

People: Well, you've sent them to Iraq sir, Remember??

Mr. Bush: oh, right, right... well, OK, hang on, I'll get right on it!!!

Hangs up.

Mr. Bush: ....after I take a nap... Than I'll call Candy to talk to her contacts in Europe and see if they can help... after all we helped them during the WWII. MAN, I'm glad I got that personal history tutor... learned so much usefull stuff about history and stuff.... Yawwwwwn, now about that nap.....

Lesson kids: Drink as much of American wine as possible! Because at this rate, we may not have an America for much longer...!!!

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