What I saw on the subway today.

Ewww!

So I had a headache today and didn't feel like using layers of protection on the subway (such a s keeping my head in a book so I can spare myself looking at UGLIES.)

Anyway, so there I was, looking around and its amazing how its always a perfect mix of New York City characters represented on the subway. Lets have a look see:

(not really in any particular order)

1. The Token Crazy Person - the one who mumbles to him/herself, makes fast unnecessary movements with their arms, legs, head or any other body parts that are large enough to draw attention of everyone in the subway cart.

2. The Token Homeless Person - the one that sits/lies/snores/smells in the corner.

3. The Token Singing Person - who insists on belching sounds while walking around with their cup of pennies. (AND who sings the SAME freakin song EVERY DAY! My goodness, how hard is it to alternate your repertoire just a bit eh???)

4. The Token Smiling Girl that just had sex - yes the one that sits there smiling to herself like an idiot with disheveled hair, wearing sweats. Yes congratulations, you're officially a whore, I'm sure everyone in your village of North Dakota or wherever you came from would be proud.

5. The Token Little Smiling Asian girl - uffffff!!!! What's up with Asian girls always looking happy? I think that's why all men love them. They're small, thin, cute, and happy. Oh they make me so mad! Just cus they're probably making lots of money doing something financial, have lots of guys on their shiny black tail and have huge apartments (sponsored by Daddy in Tokyo) this does not give you the right to be all smug lookin'! ((yes some of my best friends are Asian, and once in a while I call them to bitch about being annoyed at little asian girls forgetting that they're in fact Asian... ooopsiii... you know what I meant..heeeeee))

6. The Token Jewish Princess - yes the one with a big nose and an even BIGGER FREAKIN ENGAGEMENT RING on her finger!!! Well I'm SO GLAD JDate worked out for you and that Ira/Moisha/Gosha/Matriosha will be now putting in a deposit on that big ass house in the gated jewish community.

7. The Token Loud Business Men - there is always two or three of them standing right next to each other SCREAMING at the top of their lungs to each other as if to compete some kind of pre-Ice Age competition of "The Animal with the strongest Lungs wins." Yeah, don't forget boys, your manager is most likely a woman! ...Now proceed with the yelling.

8. The Token Happy Immigrant - the ones that sit there with manila folders in hand usually coming or going to some kind of immigration appointment or office, picking up/dropping off some useless papers all for the pleasure and privilage to be FREE to ride the damn subway for the REST OF THEIR LIVES!!! Hmm... don't know, but being super poor living in a tiny village in Mexico somewhere on the river bank, getting together for fiestas with loved ones... sounds much better to me then being super poor in NYC riding the dirty subways and sleeping on bunkbeds in apartments with 20 strangers. But hey to each his own.

And probably the MOST annoying kind of all:

9. The Token Snob who thinks she(he) is better then everyone, sitting there rolling her eyes, sighing with disgust and spraying perfume around herself. Yes, I'm afraid that's the category I fall into. Well, if I wasn't me, I'd say: "If you're not happy to be here, GET THE F.. OUT! NYC is too crowded as it is, no need for ungrateful bastards like you to be here thinking you're above it all!!!!" But since I AM me, I'll just say: "I'm tryyyyying, I'm trying! "As soon as" I'll be OUTA here."