You know you're addicted to coffee when...

I found this on a web site, thanks to WallStr, but thought it was very relevant, and my thoughts are in the red...

You know you're addicted to coffee when...

You can jump start your car without cables. -my car jumps upon seeing me-

You answer the door before people knock. -yep-

You get a speeding ticket even when you are parked. -almost happened last week!-

You've worn out your third pair of shoes this week. -yes, those new orange ones-

Your eyes stay open even when you sneeze. -of course don't yours?? -

You grind coffee beans in your mouth. -how did they know?? -

You can type sixty words per minute -- with your feet. -and other parts of my body -

You sleep with your eyes open. -everyone tells me that!-

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. - and in my wallet -

Instant coffee takes too long to make. -exactly-

You short out motion detectors. -well that's cus' I'm sexy -

You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. - and I thought THAT was because I'm blonde...-

The only time you are standing still is during an earthquake!

You've worn the finish off your coffee table. - no, I usually don't make it that far with coffee in my hands -

People get dizzy just watching you. - yep! my grandma tells me that all the time, haha -

Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. - they WOULD if I didn't take a calculator one day and calculated aprox. $6,013 of yearly spending, and imediately cut them off!!!

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. - yes, I've gotten inquisitive looks at doctors' offices -

The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. -no, I drink artisan coffee from exotic countries-

When someone asks 'How are you?' you say, 'Good to the last drop'. -well, that's what THEY say about me-

You buy milk by the barrel.

You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. -TOTALY have done that! but once again, it's cus' I'm blonde and don't know how to set the timer -

You can't even remember your second cup.

You chew on other people's fingernails. -no, that's gross!! ...my own suffice just fine -

You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. - totally, but the coffee doesn't taste right if I do that -

You don't get mad, you get steamed.

You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.

You don't tan, you roast.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. - haha, not AA meetings, but BANKS, and Car rental places, they allways have free coffee standing there - Washington Mutual is best Bank coffee, and Eterprise Rent a Car coffee, beats out the other rental places. -

You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

You help your dog chase its tail. - I chase my own tail too - poney tail that is -

You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. - 2 SWEATERS! -

You lick your coffeepot clean. - and the table if any coffee spiled -

You ski uphill.

You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

You think CPR stands for Coffee Provides Resuscitation. -I'm 3x certified baby! -

You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

Your Thermos is on wheels.

You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. -oh, THAT'S what those weird conversations in my head were!!!??!! -

You've worn out the handle on your favourite mug.

You take your morning coffee with you in the shower. - I DO!!!!!!!!!!!! -

Your heart beats noticeably faster as a reaction to the smell of coffee. - its beating faster now just thinking about coffee -

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to coffee.

-yeah, unfortunately they're not jokes to me -

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The funniest thing about all of the above is that they really have happened to me in some form. They forgot a few though:

- potential employers use office espresso machines as a bargaining tool when trying to hire you -

- before having a sleep over with a new boyfriend you require him to buy $500 worth of coffee equipment -

- you can tell if your coffee needs more sugar just by looking at it -

- you use coffee to alleviate a headache, toothache, sprained ankles and blood gushing open wounds -

- your grandma greets you with coffee in hand when you come to visit -

- you follow the diet of a coffee for breakfast another for lunch and a sensible dinner -

AND the LAST ONE:

-- After finding out that there are no official rehab programs for coffee addicts, you put yourself through self imposed 6 weeks rigorous DETOX.--

I know only drink one cup in the morning and sometimes an espresso after lunch, sometimes.